Why does it go through my mind in slow motion? All the memories. Things that were kept tightly sealed ia my imaginary box and put away in my imaginery closet. Trying to keep busy in order not to think, not to remember. But it doesnt help. Dont´t get me wrong they are all not bad memories. Alot of them are good ones but for some reason the bad ones are easier to remember.

On my way to work I thought I was running late but as usual i am on time. All my life ive been afraid of beeing late. My mother made it a point to teach us about punctuality. I remenber the stress everytime we had to get ready to be somewhere. And always being early The waiting killed me. The constant nervousness, I always felt my mothers energy.Whats funny that at te age 0f 37 I am the same way.

I dont remember laughter or hugs growing up. My mother worked alot especially after my father left us. While he was in my life for my first 7 years there was screaming , my dad coming home drunk and beating my mom. Spanish music with the aroma of spanish food. An alchoholic, gambler and wife beater. That is my father as I remeber him.

How do I put this all on papir....it sounds so right in my head but when i write it it just doesnt sound right, I just gonna try .....