Buying Stuff

Presented @ a KC Writers Group Reader Function

I enrolled in a comedy writing class at UMKC in Kansas City a couple of years ago and this is a version of my script that was broadcast on a local radio station.  Writing comedy is a difficult venue.  I say that in case you don’t think what have composed is funny.

Today I’m going to talk about Sex, Debt and High Interest Victimization (HIV). If any of these topics interest or concern you move closer to the radio.  What I’m going to reveal is a simple device that will help you save money and eliminate mental anguish, it’s called a Credit Card Condom.  Yes, you heard me right and the device is Free if you subscribe to our monthly publication Preventative Measure.

I don’t have to tell you this but I’m going too anyway because many people are dysfunctional when it comes to impulse buying.  Which is an unplanned decision to purchase a product or service.  Research findings suggest that emotions and feelings play a decisive role that is triggered by simply seeing a product or upon exposure to a well-crafted promotional message.

Marketers and retailers exploit these impulses which are tied to the basic need for instant gratification.  For example, out of homegrown boredom and a need to have a conversion many shoppers go to a Wal-Mart store so they can converse with a greeter.  After the victims are made to feel warm and welcome by an elderly person wearing a brightly colored blue apron with the Wal-Mart name and a smiley face logo splashed across their chest.  Shoppers are presented with an array of Falling Prices items such as floor to ceiling stack of plastic bowls on sale 12 for $3.00 dollars, which shoppers can’t resist so they whip out their credit card and make a purchase. As soon as the rush of the transaction is over they head for their car and deliver their newly found treasure in a storage locker where they have stashed 100’s of other items bought on sale in the past.

Preventing impulse buying involves techniques and most effective of all is our rubber sleeve that covers a credit card so even witless wonders, no offense, must stop and think before buying so much stuff.  Go to Creditcardcondom.com and order a subscription to Preventative Measure Magazine and by this time next week you’ll have reading material and the card covering protection you need.  Think about it people, even China has a limit to how many plastic gadgets they can produce just because shoppers get bored.  Our company, Hoarders-R-Us is building 1,000 new storage containers along Interstates in American.  You’ll recognize them easily because they are painted red, white and blue.  If you subscribe to our magazine you’ll get the first months rent-free.

One last thing, in the interest of communication between young and old we support the movement to ban texting at the dinner table especially on Christmas day.  Our surprise gift to you along with other stuff you’ll receive from us will be a rubber sleeve that covers a cell phone, which will prevent access to the keypad.  Our studies have shown that in many cases reading a book or face-to-face conversation is a wonderful wonderment in the electronic age.

Feel free to pass this message along to any compulsive shoppers you might know.  They will give you thanks when their credit card bill arrives.

Happy holiday’s year after year and God Bless Made In America …

Buying Stuff was Cut and Pasted To Imastory From My Ozark Stories Website.  

AUTHORS: Cut and Paste Archived Stories To Drive Traffic To Your Website. Include Contact Information Like I Have Below.

(Love’s Contact Information)

Ozark Stories Website: http://ozarkstories.com

Independent Author: http://tinyurl.com/ogxxlup

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